A time for reflection, a time for thanking

Today is thanksgiving, and I have a lot to be thankful for.  I am leaving for a trip around the world…literally.  I am just finishing my senior thesis, and i am really proud of the work i did on, an endeavor that i must admit when i first started, i was not sure i could finish, and at times i considered giving it up.  I have great friends, amazing family, and a self-esteem that is slowly but surely gaining its strength back.  I did however suffer a little set back, another Chase episode to come back to bite me… my body and soul in every way shape and form is repulsed by this man.  This man has forever effected me, but i am trying my hardest to not let it scar me, and believe it is taking all my strength, and some strength that i am still waiting to surface.  This man can still flip my world around 2 years after we have broken up… not only emotionally but also physically and i do not mean this in a good way… the only he has ever given me are std’s and heart ache.  I am trying to find a reason to thank him on this day of thanksgiving, and all i can thank him for is bringing me to Washington.  Thank you Chase, (you have no idea how this pains me) for bringing me out to Washington.  Here i have met my best friends, and my self.  It was here that i learned that i was smart… thank you Rae Lynn.  No one has ever called me smart before I took a class with you, and that simple word has empowered me to do things i have never imagined. Thank you Sharron, you made (make) me feel beautiful and wanted in way that i have never known, you make me feel like my opinion matters, more than matters but makes a difference.  You have shown me what real friendship is… despite all our differences, which i think are many more than either one of us recognizes up front.  Thank you Matt, you know how to make me smile despite myself, i can tell you my craziest thoughts, only to find out we are thinking the same things, i think once upon a time we were one.  Thank you Nicole, you judge me, unconditionally.  And i think this a good thing, you tell me when I am an ass, and need to lock it up, but most importantly you help me up when i fall, no matter how big of an ass i have been.  you know all my secrets, you are my rock.  Thank you Daniel, you show me what sticking to your guns really means, no peer pressure could ever sway you, and for this you are stronger than anyone I have ever meet.  For me it was easier to go with the crowd, to escape in the crowd rather than be okay alone,  well it has taken me a long time to be okay alone (and i am still working on it) you dont compromise, i admire you.  Thank you mom, you have showed me what love is, and that i should not settle for any cheap imitations, you have given me so many gifts that i worry i can never re-pay you, more importantly i feel i can never thank you in way that makes you understand how much i am in awe of you and heart.  Thank you Dad, you are my hero.  I respect you more than anyone else for your integrity, honesty, and ability to accomplish anything… all while laughing.  If i have a tenth of the spirit you have i am very blessed.  Thank you my star sisters, you are what friendship is. Near or far i know you have my back, a comfort no matter where i am at.  Thank you all, this thanksgiving away from all of you, i feel closer than ever before.  Every day I am working on being that person that makes you all proud, and everyday I am working to make myself that person i can be proud of.   I am getting close, but still a work in progress. Never satisfied, but maybe that’s how i know I’m not finished…

Hopelessly Hopeful

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender.” Emil Ludwig